Skip to main content

2 feet tall and far from bulletproof.

Man Mike, it has been a rough couple of weeks.

Car went belly-up in typical fashion less than a month after a very traumatic brake & axle service. A hole in a hose led to overheating, and me pushing the limits and winding up with what is best-case scenario a blown head gasket, and worst-case a blown engine (still starts, but who knows how much longer that will last, and it definitely cannot be driven).

Well, its three weeks later and I missed the FIFTH anniversary of you punching out of this...this...life? Yeah. It is hard not to think you are better off - I guess that is the thing that they say - death is only hard for the people left behind. Or whatever they say. I mean, at least there are probably a few of us who still think about you occasionally. Or, at least - i do think of you most days in some way (even if it's just when I notice it's 11:11 or popping an especially intense zit). Lately I've begun ondering in earnest if anyone will ever remember me. Hell, I wonder if people even think about me now, cause I am always thinking about people I have had zero contact with in years. Or people who probably were never as imprinted by me as I was by them....like Linda Ellis, the woman I worked with at Common Concerns. Or, people that are stuck to my psyche like dogshit on a converse sneaker like Kyle, who keeps fucking liking posts from Arlie/Atoms and Void/Juno on FB. Which I can assure everyone is because he has, once again been trading in my personal musical epiphanies as his actual history. I swear to god Mike, I will not be held responsible for what I may say or do if I actually run across that sorry piece of shit. Anyway, this was supposed to be about you, really. About you being gone for 5 years, and what a fucking 5 years its been. The world is falling to shit so quickly that I am streaming the new T Swift album and kind of digging it (though so many of these songs sound so similar it's bizarre. Like Wilco she's too damn prolific). WHAT IS GOING ON MAN? You missed the Covid, which is when I'm pretty sure when people all became insanely aware of how pointless life really is, but Americans, who are not culturally grounded enough to maintain any chill, immediately lost their minds - or did they. Jesus, I cannot write to save my life. Was reading a journal from '00 and even then I was still pretty funny and observant. Crazy how I seemed to have manifested Kyle, and yet now, in hindsight what I manifested was a complete collapse of my personal confidence. What am I doing? What will I do next?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's all coming apart.

Mike. This bunch of white-power Christian zealots is not even pretending anymore. We are actively deporting residents from other countries who have lived and worked here for decades, students who have been protesting the invasion of Gaza, AND....AND frigging British tourists and Uber drivers who take a wrong turn on a bridge and end up in Canada because there is no turnaround, and when they re-enter they are being detained. And then yetsterday the vampire Nazi Stephen Miller announced they are "looking into" suspending hebeas corpus and...and allowing Afrikkaner "refusgees" (you know, rich, white people who exploited Apartheid and now hate the fact that they are required by law to pay taxes and share land ownership) to "seek asylum" here. I fucking cannot take this. They have undone Roe, they are purging the population, and the Supreme Court is about to also make Christianity the only religion (apparently) with any right to freely practicing. I fucking hat...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not kidding.

A change is gonna come - I have not spent almost 60 years on this planet to sit in this closet and wait for my other retina to burn off the back of my eye and listen to GenZ humming mindlessly while constantly fucking doing the most un-teamwork-y shit all day long. I deserve to be spell-checking stupid AI-created content for websites that millenials scroll through mindlessly from the porch of my fucking teardrop trailer parked in a WalMart parking lot, or something. This is not how I go out, goddamn it.
Post a Comment
Read more

Morning sunshine.

Hi. Hitting this early, because the sun is out, and I have every intention of getting out in it alone with the pup. That being said, I was scrolling thru the ol' FB feed and came across our old housemate Mark's video of him busking this morning at a Metro stop, which he's been doing since we first met him 30 years ago (!!!) at the Greenhouse, when he was delivering the CityPaper, and had Nicki the dog at his side at all times. Listening to him play (which, if possible is even more lovely than it was then, or maybe, I'm just more able to appreciate his gift now) made me immediately think: I would have never met him if it hadn't been for Mike. So, thank you. So many of the amazingly talented and unique folks I have met in my life have come because I followed you to DC, and to Europe, and to Eugene. I know I thanked you a couple times generally, but never really knew if you understood what I meant. Sure, I would have made plenty of connections on my own, but I am forev...
Post a Comment
Read more