Skip to main content

'Morning Sunshine, the Earth and the Stars say "LOL"

Hey Mike. You've been on my mind a bunch the last few days. Our favorite Norwegian guitar player had reached out a few months ago, because he apparently is going to actually get his book published. As opposed to me, who has the one third of it she started 25 years ago safely stored on a floppy disc she has no idea how to ever retrieve the data from, and so I may fail to ever get a tangible telling of those prime Agent 86 hijinks out into the wild. I mean, the middle part was the most interesting part anyway, right? At any rate. Kjellykjellkjell had asked for photos from tour, and of course I put it off until he pestered me again and mentioned that if I got the photos to him we'd be "part of the history forever" and as I have been a shitty steward of Agent86 in those terms (wait...have I? I don't see anyone else trying to keep the dream alive: GL has long since moved on from all that ((and literally moved up here now)). Anyway, as I was rifiling through stuff to find any relevant photos, I was once again struck by a couple things. The first, and the thing that cuts the deepest is the realization that I took a lot of photos in the time you and I were together. I mean, I clearly bailed on photos sometime after we came back to DC, but in those first, what, five years we were together? A lot of photos, and a lot of them I think are pretty effing good. It kind of hurts to think they'll end up in a dumpster somewhere if I kick. Sure, Scott would randomly flip through them the one time, but ultimately no one is gonna be interested in them who is currently in my life because....there is currently no one in my life but my damn dog, my brother, and my mom. Yep. Here I am once again, starting out with the quippy story about how our past is in the furry little hands of the Norwegian Ikea heir, and as usual turn it inwards into a self flagulation affair. Solid work! What I was getting at, was that my favorite photos of us are, I swear to god, the photo strips from the several different photo machines. We were so fucking young and cute. I loved you so damn much at first, it's kind of insane to think of, really. I'm thinking if I can pull my shit together, i'd like to really compile an online scrapbook of all the things. I would have to really buckle down and scan and organize all the photos, but it seems like a good idea, maybe?
I mean, look at this one! Remember this trip up the coast? It might have been the first or second time we went north on 101, as just a trip up the coast - I think we just went to Crescent City and back to Arcata. But look at this:
I love this for us. This is the dragon relationship I kept chasing with you in those ensuing years when shit fell apart, and then veered close, then fell apart again. Never ever hit that mark with anyone ever. Dunno - maybe you aren't ever supposed to love someone the way you love that first real boyfriend. Having not had an actual boyfriend (that one guy who I was going with for all of I think a week in high school DID NOT COUNT) before, you were the template. What a fucking bar you set. Good and evil. So much experience packed into all the days - and now as I try and remember any of it, it's all just hazy feelings. Do all 50-somethings go through this, can none of us remember actual days, actual events? Anyway, back to this photostrip. Look at the gleam in those eyes (on both of us, really) all I can see is just what pals we were, how we were invincible, how we were taking on the world. Strange though, even as I look at the photos, I also am poked by little sticks reminding me of the fights we had on occasion, even then. We were a fiery team, so much passion packed into every moment. Hilariously, there are two strips and the next one is a delightful reminder of the absolute decadance that we rolled around in (at least for me). Other people may see other things, but me? All I see is the ravages of waaaaaayyyyy too much cocaine and angst.
It's weird. We were so self-contained that it's almost like none of it happened. Yet, I feel some responsibility to the universe to let someone know that the people in this photo were living in WDC and doing a lot of blow. Shooting it more than a few times. I'm not sure who all I've mentioned the incident when we did it in our apartment in the SW and I looked at you and said "Oh shit - is this how Lenny Bias felt?" You know, the NBA phenom who od'd the night he was drafted? Yeah, those were some times. So many crazy shows at the 9:30, so many shady pals, and not pals. So much drama. I was crushing so hard on our drummer Rob, and you were trying (and occasionally succeeding) to score with my friends. My favorite photo in that strip though is the third one, where it's just the aimlessness that was holding us together in full view. Yeah, we were quite a pair.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kids Today

Hey Mike. Look, I know you always wanted a kid - on our first option to become parents you very vividly made the case that "If we have a kid and teach it to play drums, we'll always have a drummer" - or you may have said it on the occasion of our second chance to have a kid. But either or both times, it struck me as not the best way to approach parenthood. Of course, in hindsight, there's never a best time, or way to have kids. That being said, I am currently both super happy to not be responsible for the aboslute monstrosity of a generation that "Z" is - because in my head, I was all set to regret that I won't have anyone to take care of me in my old age (should I manage to live that long) and relived that none of this bullshit is my fault. Lately though, I don't know if any kid I would have had would give two shits about me (or you) at this point anyway. I mean the one kid you did have has changed their gender, and seems fully on board (as one wou
Post a Comment
Read more

Since you've been gone.

Hi. I've been meaning to write for a while, but to be honest, it's hard where to know where to start. So many weird, little things happen over the days that remind me of you, or of someone, we both know (knew?) that I should probably be scribbling it down, because...well, my memory is not getting any better these days. You've been gone almost a year now buddy, and though I hadn't seen you physically in years, the good ol' internet allowed us to stay in touch anyway. It's hard to explain to people, even the people closest to me how strange it is to not have you around even in just the greater sense of the world. If anything, it has made me very aware of how much I was living in the moment (which is, honestly just a romantic way of saying "not paying attention") and that I am always looking for context in the things that happen locally and globally. You were absolutely a yardstick for a certain type of context, and I miss it, even though (and I suppose i
Post a Comment
Read more

Morning sunshine.

Hi. Hitting this early, because the sun is out, and I have every intention of getting out in it alone with the pup. That being said, I was scrolling thru the ol' FB feed and came across our old housemate Mark's video of him busking this morning at a Metro stop, which he's been doing since we first met him 30 years ago (!!!) at the Greenhouse, when he was delivering the CityPaper, and had Nicki the dog at his side at all times. Listening to him play (which, if possible is even more lovely than it was then, or maybe, I'm just more able to appreciate his gift now) made me immediately think: I would have never met him if it hadn't been for Mike. So, thank you. So many of the amazingly talented and unique folks I have met in my life have come because I followed you to DC, and to Europe, and to Eugene. I know I thanked you a couple times generally, but never really knew if you understood what I meant. Sure, I would have made plenty of connections on my own, but I am forev
Post a Comment
Read more