on and on

Hi Mike. So, it just keeps getting worse, so maybe it's getting better? Watching people come to terms with how fucked up America is has become paralyzing for me. It's a goddamn good thing I don't have a job to go to, because I don't think I could cope with that right now. So much residual rage from all these years of being poor. I mean, yes, I'm not black, so some things are better for me, but there are loads of ways this fucking materialistic, consumer culture hates anyone who differs from the accepted norm. Last night, at 11th & Pine, the thing I expected to happen finally did: a guy drove a car into the crowd. All of it captured on video - you can see he chickens out (thank god) and halts the car as a (black) guy who had been chasing him down the street catches up to him and punches him through the window of the car. The driver shoots the guy in the arm, and he falls back. Driver gets out, has a glock with multiple cartridges taped to the handle, and I kid you not man, handles that gun like a professional. He is panicked, but does not shoot in panic or fear. He uses the gun to get into the crowd, but then pockets it to keep people from realizing who he is in the melee. Luckily there were protesters watching him, and the lit out after him, and he made a fucking beeline to the cops. Handed himself over, and there is more video, from a super-close angle, of him telling them someone tried to steal his car and assault him. The cops encircle him (with their riot shields) and pull him around the corner saying they have him "in custody". Meanwhile the guy who was shot is helped down the block and into an ambulance. Watching multiple feeds as it happened, I was struck with how these kids are so...not chill, but it's like this kind of violence is treated with amazement, but not fear. I mean, a lot of them ran away, but SO MANY ran to the scene, to the victim, after the driver. It was shocking, encouraging and so unreal. Yet, it is real. In Seattle. Less than 2 hours later, the cops lost their goddamn minds (again) and pepper sprayed/flashbombed the protesters who had literally policed the entire active shooter situation themselves. There was a sniper on the roof who did nothing...DURING AN ACTIVE SHOOTER SITUATION. There were cops literally yards away acting as if they knew nothing was going on. It smells to high heaven like a clear set-up to instill panic and fear, and I don't know what exactly is the next step. Should I fucking be down there? Should I be at City Hall? What should I be doing? Dammit, why are white people, especially those in the suburbs, so fucking dim? Still? WHY LORD WHY? I miss you and wish you were here to talk about this with. Scott is coming along, but he doesn't have the understanding of history or revolution that you do. I need someone who gets it. I am considering asking Adam what Croatia was like just before their war for independance because I feel like this is definitely the edge of something, Minneapolis just voted to disband their police force. I mean holy shit. Juan has reached out, but he writes like he's been hit with a brick or something. I can't figure it out. Was he always like this? Was I just blinded by lust and didn't realize that my favorite sandanista is really sort of...simple? Fuck. He mentions Bruce hanging on, whatever the fuck that means. Joey is a councilmemeber in Burnaby now, and is doing his thing. But...Canada. sigh.