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happy death day?

Hi Mike. A couple of weeks ago Scott and I were having a conversation about how the current cultural norm is to wish dead people a happy birthday, y'know, online in the social media world where everything and nothing appears to take place. He was super-against it. I was less vexed, seeing so many of my *friends* online seem to use birthdays of people as a way to express their missing of that artist, friend, family member. I mean, I'm not crazy about the "happy birthday" sentiment, but the memorial aspect of it is encouraging. This morning is the day you died, calendar-wise anyway, though I suppose the argument could be made that the Mike I think of, the one I'm writing now, the one who changed my life in so many weird ways, died long before April 5, 2019. That is an esoteric differentiation (oh, look at me hauling out the big ten-dollar words for you) at best though, right? I mean we did stay in touch, and I am so glad I told you thanks, and that my world wouldn't be the same without you in it (though I'm not gonna lie: I do not think you totally heard it, but whatever). So this morning, day 28 (or so) of this pandemic nightmare I want to post this photo of you and me on FB, just to recognize that I remember you and you were important in my life. I'm hesitating though, and the fact that I'm writing to tell you about at speaks to the fact that I know I should have the nerve to just do it. I mean people post stuff like that all the time, right? And when Bircho died, I couldn't post anything because I didn't have one solid story (other than the fiasco of when he called after we reconnected after Kyle appeared back in my life) to share, and few of his friends knew me. You, on the other hand: lots of my friends knew you, and more know of you, because I tend to reference you often, even now. So, the picture I wanted to post (want?) is one we took in a photo booth - and I look amazing in it: blonde hair askew, great jade necklace on the black leather cord, that black hooded longsleeve t-shirt that I wore almost continually the first year or two we were in DC. YOu still have the blonde buzz cut and are still carrying about 20lbs more than you ever would again. I think you look great too, plus you were wearing my U2 baseball cap that you started wearing to spite me, but because it was such a nice black hat, you ended up wearing it, unironically, for quite awhile. It was prime Mike & Michelle time. You have that goofy face you pulled all the time, and my face is pressed up against you, looking high as a kite (could very well have been the case). I can't remember though where it was taken, definitely some sort of booth, and because it was taken before everyone had photo booths at parties, I have to assume it must have been when we did the sightseeing trips with your dad, or maybe on a trip to Baltimore to buy records or something? At any rate, I am super fond of the photo, and my impulse is to post it. However, I feel like it will set off panic alarms in some folks. Like both Karen and Scott tend to brush aside any mention of you I make. It makes me feel like I haven't been honest with them about how...connected I felt to you, even when I wasn't.Some people, I'm sure would be "awww, she misses her old friend" but then, what about GL and London? I don't want to set off a fucking drama by posting a photo of you and I together. Though that being said, I feel like if I did it, I could probably set a timer to see when GL would post something about you as well, because that appears to be how she operates. Plus, haven't seen hide nor hair of your "wife" who all but vanished after the shit went down, and it makes me wonder if she would pop out of the woodwork as well. Guess I'll just post it here. Sorry man, I am a coward, and I miss ya.

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